I was blown away by the perpetual, aggressively horrible piece of trash that some movie studios are trying to release in a disgusting attempt to squeeze as much money out of you as possible. I am even more disgusted with you, the American Public, who goes to see these films.
I guess one could all say that it started with Date Movie. You see, it was almost subtle at first. Date Movie was from “two of the six guys who wrote Scary Movie.” The big difference? Scary Movie was a spoof film. Date Movie began some lineage of deformed offspring known as “reference movies.”
And it is because of this that the world now faces the release of Disaster Movie.
See The Video Here
Watching the trailer, there is not ONE SINGLE JOKE! Sure, there are plenty of references. It starts with a badly-costumed reference to Iron Man saying that he is Iron Man (incase you didn’t understand the subtle reference) and then him getting crushed by a cow. Then, we see Hannah Montana getting crushed by a boulder. Then we see Giselle, from Enchanted hit by a taxi. After that, Hancock hits his head on a lamppost while flying, and Karrie, from Sex and the City, gets into a fight with Juno, who uses Zohan’s feet-in-the-face style of combat. And not a single part is an actual joke.
What the hell is going on with the movie industry, and even worse, how stupid are the morons who watch this films? Where is the appeal of seeing a HORRIBLE movie make bad references to other movies without any actual joke? “Oh, hey look! It’s Iron Man. I remember when I watched that. Hmm.” HOW IS THIS FUNNY?
I remember movies like Airplane, where, in between making references to Airport and numerous Karen Black movies, they actually made some DAMN JOKES! They used wit, and humor, and intelligence. Even the most ridiculous joke in the movie was clever! Now, have we as a culture devolved so rapidly that we laugh based on remembering that something happened once? YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME!
I understand why the writers wrote it. I understand why the directors directed it (Same people who wrote it actually) I understand why the producers produced it and why the actors acted in it: They are all whores. And that’s totally acceptable. Actors need gigs. That makes sense. And why wouldn’t producers and directors make these movies? They cost nothing to make and generate millions. EVERYONE in the process of this film’s creation makes profit, so I can fathom that. What I can’t begin to even process in my brain is why idiots would go out and SPEND money to see something that doesn’t even have a single fucking iota of the humor a comedy is supposed to have. The whores I can get, it’s the Johns that make so sense to me.
And being a whore is totally different than being a hack. Michael Bay, Brett Ratner, they are hacks. But at least they TRY to produce a fun movie, even if it’s just candy, with absolutely NO substantive value. The two afterbirths who made the Disaster Movie shit are just remorseless prostitutes.
Do people actually find mind poison like Date Movie, Epic Movie, and Meet The Spartans funny? If so, how stupid do those people have to be? I mean, they must be on a level so soul-crushingly retarded that I’m amazed they are able to operate the cars needed to drive their stupid asses to the theatre.
One glaring reason I am appalled and outraged by this is because I am a TVF major. This is what I want to do with my life, and I realize now that if I am ever lucky enough to create the fun, quirky movie of my dreams, it will undoubtedly be overshadowed by Epic Movie 2. THESE MOVIES ARE THE CANCER THAT IS KILLING FILM!
I wish I could say I had hope for recovery, but after seeing the unforgiving, unrelenting stupidity of the masses, my hopes are circling the drain. All of this is the fault of those seeing these movies, and you all need to be horribly ashamed of yourselves to the point where you never speak or leave your homes. If you spend movie on reference movies, I beg of you, become a hermit so you don’t infect the world with your STD. And believe me, stupidity is a fucking STD, the only difference is your partner doesn’t get it, your kids do. So, also, aside from being a hermit, make sure you don’t reproduce.
I remember, back when I was young and idealistic, where my hope for humanity and my faith in people’s taste had not yet been mentally-raped out of me, I snuck into a showing of Epic Movie (even then I refused to pay for a ticket to an obvious piece of shit like that.)
I sat there for an hour and a half, not because I wanted to but because I was hypnotized by the fact that the people were laughing. The guy in front of me was laughing EVERY TIME a familiar face came on the screen. I have never before wanted to end someone based on their taste in movies, and now it’s all I can think about. There needs to be some sort of sterilization requirement when purchasing tickets to Disaster Movie.
And if you watch the goddamned trailer, THERE ARE NO FUCKING MENTION OF ANY GODDAMNED DISASTER MOVIE! People need to be put down for this movie.
In a way, I blame the government. The government cuts funding to schools, under-funded schools pump out retards, and these morons pack the theatres and keep this cycle going. Of course, these same walking-birth-defects grow up to elect the cocksuckers who cut education funding, so I guess there’s a cycle in that too, but someone needs to come along and stop this somewhere.
I know what you’re probably asking yourself: What does it matter what some movie does? I’ll tell you: THIS IS A PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF HOW DUMB OUR CULTURE HAS BECOME! I’m not just being some movie snob. No! This film is a visual representation of the new collective idiocy of our generation, and it makes me want to weep, and beat the shit out of a lot of stupid fucking people.
