MIME ARRESTED AFTER BRUTAL FAKE SHOOTING SPREE
Marcus DeAngelo, a street mime living in Paris, has been arrested after his imaginary shooting rampage failed to actually harm anyone.
Witnesses of the imaginary catastrophe report seeing DeAngelo holding his hands up, as if he were gripping the handles of two pistols, and his index fingers pulling imaginary triggers. According to one witness, DeAngelo was a wonderful mime and even mimicked the recoil real pistols would make.
“It was very entertaining, and entrancing,” said Ruper Carson, 23, a tourist from England who witnessed the imaginary mass-murder. “He was prancing around, diving, shooting his imaginary guns, strafing and taking cover. It would have been beautifully magical if, ya know, he wasn’t mimicking trying to kill us all. He really was talented though.”
Fellow witness Whitney Andrews, 30, a tourist from America, disagreed. “I have always fucking hated mimes. And this only makes it worse! Mimes suck.”
According to police, they threw DeAngelo into a real cell that had imaginary bars.
“Due to a construction complication, we have yet to install the bars,” said Capt. Emile Rabalias, “We just told him there were there, and he has been clanging an imaginary metal cup across them all day. If either the cup or the bars were real, it would be incredibly annoying.”
Police are only holding DeAngelo for a few days, as they have yet to figure out what to charge him with.
Anonymous said,
September 10, 2009 @ 11:19 am
After witnessing a mime on Waikiki yesterday I have to side with the American's opinion. This fellow is dressed all in checkered clothing and holds a sign that says "Please don't touch the Checkered Man, but leave him a good tip and he may dance for you."
I saw a six year old girl walk up to him and drop a quarter in his hat. When he didn't move she touched his pantleg and he jumped and snarled out a nasty growl scaring her to tears and running to her mother's arms.
My son and I are going down next week to set up across from him. I plan to take a 3lb sledge hammer out of a doctors bag while my son sets up an A frame sign that reads "I can make the mime dance without a tip, $1.00US" and see what happens.