Archive for conspiracy

Google Announces New X-Ray Maps of America

Google has come under fire in the last few years for it’s GoogleMaps program, which uses advanced satellite imaging to show satellite views of American homes, and has even put cameras on a fleet of vans that drive around every street, taking a series of photographs to create “street view” map. Privacy activists have claimed in the past that this is a violation of individual rights, to which Google has disagreed.

Now, however, Google seems to be intentionally laughing in their faces with their new maps that use until-now unknown X-Ray technology that takes intricate pictures of the insides of people’s homes, showing everything they own. And instead of updating these maps every few months, they are using a vast array of floating cameras that will fly around taking moment-by-moment updated pictures. Los Angeles and New York are the first two trial cities, the residents of which are less than thrilled.

“So what? People on Google are going to get to watch when I’m going to the bathroom?” Asked LA Resident Drew West.

“That’s a really short-sighted comment,” said Dean Walton, director of the GoogleMaps HOMES program. “We won’t just show people going to the bathroom, but also people banging, shooting drugs, beating their wives and every other thing that no one wants us to see.”

Walton then went on to begin muttering “then we will have all the knowledge. Yes, yes, all the knowledge in the world!” His maniacal laughing and evil hand wringing signaled the obvious end to the interview.

Google also revealed several other projects, including a plan to unveil a police force made entirely out of floating metal spheres with laser turrets that will enforce Google’s Terms of Service with deadly force, and a plan that will map people’s thoughts and intentions using their warehouses full of enslaved pre-cognitive psychics.

The laser turrets aren’t visible until activated

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The Shadowy Underworld Of Midget Tossing

I cannot begin to explain how confused this picture has made me.

I came across it while i was surfing the internet during the four fucking hour break between my classes and ive been tearing my hair out trying to figure out just what the fuck is going on in this image… Maybe its really obvious to the rest of you, but im downright fucking lost. Im pretty sure that the guy with the mustache and the helmet is a midget, so is it some sort of midget bowling? Midget tossing? You know, like a deranged form of shot-put?

Maybe its a combination of sports and a proctological exam. The guy behind the dwarf looks to be wrist deep in midget ass. Maybe its that infamous midget porn ive heard so many rumors about. If so, the little people are fucked up. Like the germans. Jesus christ.

And is the midget being suspended in the air simply by the hand up his ass? Good god. Too many questions are raised by this disturbing picture.

And what about the spectators? Were you aware that midget ass-fisting/ dwarf hurling was a spectator sport? Is this something that happens regularly and i was just unaware? If so, i am totally not cool with that. Not because of respect towards midgets, but that shit is too disturbing.

But it looks like they are in a basement. Like a secret society. Like fight club or something. Midget-fisting club.

The first rule of midget-fisting club? You do not talk or take pictures of midget-fisting club. Goddamn. Follow your own rules midget-fisting club. I don’t need to see this crap while im innocently surfing the pure and decent internet you sick fucks…

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District 9: The Best Re-make Of Alien Nation So Far


If you’ve never seen the Sci-Fi “classic” Alien Nation, you really owe it to yourself to check it out. It’s a camptastic cheesfest that, like Distrcit 9, is essentially a buddy-cop film. However, if you have seen Alien Nation, and District 9, you had to see the similarities.

*SPOILER ALERT* If you haven’t seen District 9, and want to be surprised by it’s well crafted twists, turns and quirks, don’t read any further.

First and foremost, the biggest similarity is the concept. In Alien Nation, it’s been three years since aliens landed publically, and they now live among us as waiters and police officers and shop owners and so forth. A lot of people are uncomfortable about them living among humans and there is lots of racism. There are even identical-looking documentary interviews with people who don’t like the aliens, just as there were in Distrcit 9. However, in D9, while the aliens landed publically years ago, they are not accepted and are segregated.

Also: Alien Nation aliens weren’t quite as terrifying as those from D9

In Alien Nation, it is revealed that while certain aliens play by the rules, many aliens have turned to a life of crime and are drug addicts and thieves. This is the same in D9 where aliens horde weapons and stolen goods.

In Alien Nation, the aliens get drunk on sour milk, instead of alcohol, and they love it. In D9, the aliens are obsessed with a different thing humans don’t like or eat: Cat food.

In Alien Nation, the aliens are assigned human names so they can be part of the population. This is the same as in D9, where the main alien in the film is named Christopher Johnson.

In Alien Nation, the racist derogatory term for the aliens is “slags” and in D9 they call them ‘prawns’ because, well, they really fucking look like prawns.

Alien Nation was a allegory for post-civil rights movement America, where black people worked, desegregated, along side white people and as such racial tensions were high. D9 was also an allegory for racism, but specifically the terrible treatment of blacks in South Africa during apartheid.

One thing D9 didn’t have? James Caan being an asshole.

Admittedly, the plots of both films are completely different. Alien Nation is about some weird alien drug and evil aliens poisoning their own people, or some such bullshit, and D9 is about the evils of the government and a man becoming what he dislikes. However, at their core, both films are basically buddy cop movies. Two different people (in this case one of those ‘people’ is not a human), who have to work together despite their uneasiness about each other, and after a trial by fire, each comes to realize the inherent importance of the other and becomes self sacrificing.

D9 is one of the best Sci-Fi films I’ve seen in years, and absolutely one of the best involving aliens. Check it out, if you haven’t seen it yet, and if you have check it out again.

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FOX: "Obama wants to assassinate everyone over 50"



For weeks, accusations have swirled as to how President Obama’s health care plan is going to lead to the death of senior citizens who will be denied procedures because of their age. Now, FOX News and a Conservative Watchdog group known as the Konservative Konciousness Kollective

have found secret documents that not only will old people be at risk, they will be targeted for execution.

“The documents that we found prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that President Obama is going to use teams of ninjas to assassinate everyone of Medicare age,” revealed Fox News commentator Steve Doocy (pronounced: Douche-EE) during a recent broadcast.

With that smile he looks like a (Douch-EE)

When reached for comment, President Obama said “That’s ridiculous. We simply don’t have enough government ninjas to go and find all old people, we would have to hire a group of contract ninjas. Why are you looking at me like that? I was obviously joking…”

“Obama is going to hire contract killers!” Said Steve Doocy, on the next day’s FOX broadcast. “He says so himself.” Doocy then played a brief excerpt of Obama’s answer from the previous day.

Obama might even join in on the carnage

According to Doocy, the plan has other provisions that have been kept from the Congress and Senate. These include:

-All United States puppies will be rounded up and shot.

-Any White Anglo Saxon Protestant churches will be turned into Satanist Convents.

-Smoking weed will not only be legalized by mandatory.

-All children will be forced to go to Sex class. No, not Sex Ed, just sex. Where they will have sex.

“And we know all of these are true because someone sent them to us in an e-mail,” said Doocy. “Our listeners wouldn’t lie.”

“He will create an organized strike team that will use car bombs, lasers, ninjas and African snake monsters to kill anyone who is over fifty years old!” Screamed Konservative Konciousness Kollective president Richard Dukes. “And do you know why? So that anyone who witnessed his Kenyan birth wouldn’t be able to talk about it!”

Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh was quick to jump in. “Dukes is right! Iraq Hussein Osama is trying to hide the evidence! He doesn’t want any of us to know that we was actually born from the pagan African soil, like a Kenyan Golem sent to America so that he can get revenge on all of us god fearing white males for Slavery! Witchdoctors birthed him, bathed him in the blood of bison and sent him on a murderous mission of hate and desegregation!”

Limbaugh then fell to the floor, shaking and crying in an Oxycontin-induced fit.

“Here is all we know for fact,” said Doocy, three days after the initial broadcast that revealed the secret provisions. “Barak Obama is actually a mythological African Monster hell bent on instituting white slavery and killing any one who may know the horrible truth. Also, he eats puppies, wants to blow up your grandparents and is probably gay.

Fox News Artist’s depiction of Obama in the early years

CNN and MSNBC quickly jumped in on the story because A) 24 hours is a lot of time to fill with stuff that is “true”, and B) They can.

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Anger #6: Chemtrail ‘Tards

In the world of conspiracy theories, no theories are as contentious or pervasive as the theory known as “chemtrails.” The idea behind this theory is that the condensed vapor that is expelled from the engines of plains (known as contrails), resulting in the thin, cloud-like lines that mark many planes’ paths, is really made of either chemicals, poisons, viruses, or any number of other things, depending on which “conspiriologist” you ask.

The fear of these chemtrails has caused paranoia, delusions and a score of other things that the “chemtrails” themselves aren’t even believed to cause. And yet, despite the obvious logical inconsistencies that plague the chemtail theory, there is one thing that all people who believe it seem to have in common: They know people think that they are crazy, but can’t understand why.

So, by using the quotes of people who believe in chemtrails, we can look at the logical flaws, the inconsistencies in beliefs and the myriad of bizarre explanations to come to our own conclusions on whether or not the chemtrail theory has validity.

These quotes were taken from e-mails, letters and essays found on the site www.rense.com. All spelling and grammar has been kept the same, as it reflects the authors’ state of mind and mental faculties.

“Several days ago, I was speaking with a customer in my store who happened to mention that he was in the Airforce. Needless to say, that peaked my interest. I asked him what he knew about the current jet aerosol operation. I briefly described what I was referring to and I could sense that he knew exactly what I was talking about. I brought up the possibility of the chemtrails being used as some sort of sunscreen. He replied in a very sincere manner….”well, you know that we are having problems with too much of the sun’s radiation entering our atmosphere.” At that point another customer joined the conversation, changed the subject and dominated the whole interchange. Soon the gentleman from the Airforce said that he really had to go and I didn’t have an opportunity to ask any further questions. It was very interesting to note his reaction when I was showing him some of my chemtrail photos. He never once said oh… those are only normal contrails. In fact he didn’t say anything. He wore a look which said to me that he knew exactly what I was talking about and wished he could say more.”
-Marjorie Tietjan

“However, the chemtrail subliminals have now become much more pervasive and are being displayed on the news and even on the evening game shows. Last night and every night the ABC evening news shows blatant chemtrails on a blue background directly behind the anchor people. After the news I thought I was going to enjoy Jeopardy but I was so distracted by the chemtrails and smeary cloudlike formations in the blue squares behind the contestants that I couldn’t concentrate on the show. Wheel of Fortune followed Jeopardy. At least this show used some imagination and portrayed the chemtrail streaks as moving around in a kind of spotlight fashion. At this point I had had enough. Other T.V. programs may also be involved in this deceptive conditioning technique but I don’t watch enough T.V. anymore to be able to say.”
-Marjorie Tietjan

“You Are Now Electro-Sensitive
“The spraying of powdered materials throughout the skies of the world is happening on a daily basis everywhere. This has been going on with increasing frequency since the so-called “Election” of the bush crime family to leadership positions in America. Hardly a day goes by now where jets do not lay down chemical trails in grids and canopies. This is support for technology being used against the population of the world. Its main goal is control of food and water through weather modification, but the vast vast expense of this program, as well as the classified technology of corporations such as Time Domain Corporation, suggest even greater goals are being obtained in conjunction with the attempt to lock down food and water. Monsanto Corporation is also deeply involved in this illegal take-over, and many others. Electro-sensitivity of the soil itself will only allow GM crops to crow eventually. Get it? I knew you would.”
-CMAQ

“This February, a whacko ex-marine neighbor told me he reported me to the FAA, the FBI, and Homeland Security for taking pictures of airplanes and not liking Bush, big corporations, or the New World Order. So watch out for the New Age Nazis. He told me that he reported me “for my own good”. No one has showed up to take me away, not yet, anyway….”
-Peter Lund

“’Interesting patterns, though,’ I conceded, ‘If a bit too contrived. Maybe I can find the pilots from hell who fly the airplanes that deliver these time-released death particles, (for that is what I suspect is, in large part, what the chemtrails are about,) and ask that they at least fly a few loop d’ loops to make the designs a little more captivating.’”
-Marilyn A. Guinnane

“I’m tired of the endless bombardment in Houston of our populace by our “benevolent benefactors” by means of chemtrails.
Who knows what they are? Who knows the composition of what they are spraying on us is? Meanwhile, the spineless EPA jacks with Houston about our air quality. And the even more spineless mainstream media continues to ignore reality. I know..I have alerted them.
I’m just a lowly hourly wage working guy at a chemical plant here in Houston. Not an environmental engineer. Not a physicist. Certainly not a rocket scientist. But I know what I see.
During my shifts, I spend more than a little time outside. And due to boredom more than anything else..I look up in the sky. Wish I could say the same for everyone else!
It just amazes me..98% of our populace lives in a damned fishbowl. I swear to you, most people never even look up in the sky! Any number of times, I have pointed out chemtrails in the skys of Houston to my fellow nematodes, only to have them look at me like I was crazy.
Why the hell doesn’t the gov just tell us what they are doing? Could it be they don’t trust us? Well, guess what? No need even to answer that.”
- Ron Stevens

“The air this evening has been foul. Friends with asthma have been having problems all day, and other friends have experience dryness of mouth and nose, dry cough and fatigue. My roommate generally works inside and is a great barometer for spray days. Without even stepping outside to see the sky condition, I know it is a heavy spray day because he becomes congested and starts sneezing as the day progresses. As I write this, my mouth is dry with a faint metallic or chemical taste – this happens everytime after heavy spraying.”
-Nicholas Jones

“I wanted to share the articles with others interested in UFOs, so I put them on my website. Of course, as these things go, my interest in UFO’s got me labeled a “kook”. It did. Can you believe that?”
-Unknown

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