DRUNK ON ALCOHOL

I go to Cal State University, Los Angeles. Our mascot is the illustrious Golden Eagle. Because we are essentially a commuter college, we never really had any school spirit. In an attempt to foster some, we built this giant Eagle statue (made of bronze by the way) in front of out University Bookstore.

That statue, installed the same year as our first round of tuition hikes, cost in the neighborhood of $30-50,000. We paid almost 50 grand for a giant cement penis to stand erect in the middle of the University’s main walkway.

Yeah, a penis. Look at it again. It’s got a rounded head and a cylindrical shaft. For fuck’s sake it’s even got a ridge around the ‘head.’ And don’t get me started about the bronze jizz erupting from the tip. Don’t believe me, look at it this way:

On March 4^th, students rallied around this giant phallic monument to misspent funds, and I doubt very many even knew about it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I think it’s hilarious that CSULA spent so much on a huge dick, but it also kind of pisses me off. No pun intended.

All opinions are valid.

Commentary in RED added to prove otherwise.

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Fight Club: A revolting film.

Reviewer: kenneth groom from Manchester, England.

Someone said that you either love or hate this film. Well I hated it. and I find it difficult to understand how anyone could do otherwise. It is an ugly, squalid, repulsive film about the dark side of human nature. Everything about it is depressing from the brutish thugs who spend their time bashing the hell out of each other, to the dirty, dank, derelict building in which they carry on their odious activity. And it’s unrealistic.

They would all soon end up in Intensive care with broken noses and their handsome faces reduced to pulp. And why should any handsome bloke volunteer to have this done to them? And suffer the pain that goes with it? It’s not only not realistic, it doesn’t make sense.

Not only do I hate this film but I find it inexplicable that someone of the calibre of Helena Bonham Carter should be willing to appear in it. It can have done her reputation no good (in my opinion). From the beauty of Merchant Ivory to this pretentious rubbish. What a come down. However, I must admit I didn’t see the whole film; I was so sickened I couldn’t watch any more.

Now, this gentlemen isn’t stupid. His spelling is top notch with crumpets and tea. However, I am sure that he will be happy to hear that the divine Helena Bonham Carter did not appear voluntarily in the movie. The director cleverly crossed out ‘Fight Club’ and replaced it with ‘Pride and Prejudice II’ on her copy of the script. He is quite the dastardly villain.

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A Clockwork Orange (Movie): Violent

Reviewer: A viewer from North Carolina

This movie is full of violence every 5 minutes and should not be viewed by anyone. The director of this film, who is now dead, was definitely on some kind of trip when he made this film. It is a total waste of film and should be destroyed. Don’t waste your money or time …

So I guess you can’t include “Drink every time something violent happens” in the official drinking game, because it happens too often. That’s a shame. But this destroying things that you don’t like thing sounds like a smashing idea. If we could add booze to it, it be the replacement hip new party thing.

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Thank god Kubrick is dead.

Reviewer: A viewer from Seattle, WA United States

I really have a hard time understanding all the raves about this movie. Most of the raves are from men. The type of men who would call “Thelma and Louise” a violent film.

I worked in a theatre when I was in college, and they had a showing of A Clockwork Orange. The audience for these showings was 100% male, most of whom looked like the kind of guys who couldn’t get a date and were extremely angry about it. A Clockwork Orange relieved some of that anger for them, especially the rape scene, which more than a few of them were chuckling at. These are the same morons you find on internet chat rooms – they’re such losers that they can’t show themselves in public. This movie, with its rampant miogyny, serves as vindication for guys who can’t get laid. So does the Howard Stern show. So does Maxim. And so it goes.

You think this movie is “Miogynistic?“

The author of the book by the same name was upset with Kubrick’s interpretation of his work – it was supposed to be an anti-rape, anti-violence book, and comes out as a pro-rape, pro-violence movie in the way that it glamourizes both behaviors.

I can’t agree more that Kubrick was “visually brillant” – however, in this case, and probably a few others, he is morally bankrupt.

“So it goes” is right. I met one of these rapscallions that the gentelemen is refering to, while walking home. I promptly took out my cane and beat him to an inch of his life. How did I know he was an evil practitioner of “miogyny”? He carried their unholy marker, the vile Maxim magazine. Luckily, I broke his spine before he could call the sacred Thelma and Louise a violent film. Though their arch lord Kubrick is dead, his minions still stalk the earth.

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American History X gives skins a bad name.

Reviewer: Christy from tennessee

OK this is a good movie , it has a good story on rascial prejudice and how our own hatred only ignites violence after violence. But I was perturbed by the use of “skinheads” over and over again , and how they were all presented as shaved headed doc marten wearing nazi’s. The characters in the films were neo-nazis , not skinheads. True skinheads are anti rascist working class people who believe in unity and family support. Skinheads were given a bad name by movies such as this who portrayed all of us skins as people who shave our heads and wear swastikas , and the media also ignited more violence from blacks on skins because they thought anyone who shaved their head and claimed to be a skin was a rascist. This film does the same. Constantly saying skinhead over and over. Now the film is great to watch in terms of it’s message , but it still gives us skins a bad reputation.

Yeah, it really let the ball drop after the long string of uplifting skinhead movies like The Littlest Skinhead, Skinheads in love, The Skinhead King, and Casablanca: Remade version in which every character is a skinhead.

NOTE: These posts were twittered live during the Oscars. These are the better selections out of a massive flood of tweets I sent out. Enjoy

Cannot wait to see Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin pretend to hate each other for three hours. Its been the only good parts of SNL in a decade

i know nph is gay but that suits a little on the nose isnt it?

lots of Nazi referances this year. wow.

how is penelopes accent so damn thick? ive heard her talk sort of normal in a lot of movies. cant she just fake it.dont get me wrong its hot

plummer talking about anti government manifestos is creepy in light of recent events.

obviously waltz was going to win. you can see how much better he was just from the clips. my god.

its weird to see someone really good like Steve carell next to someone who cant barely talk like cameran diaz.

ed asner is a god among old men.

i hope randy Newman splits the yearly randy Newman vote and doesnt win. family guy got it right with him.

really? the hurt locker had a better script than basterds?? thats fucktarded.

does Sam Jackson have a product placement deal with kangol?

i saw logorama at Sundance and it totally deserved to win. it was incredible. im amazed it hasnt been sued into non-existance.

Ben stiller is actuallly really good tonight. i like awkward tention. also i like painted face hair.

star trek deserves best makeup just for how fucking hot they made that green alien whore. i mean green alien slut. sorry.

if there was any justice in the world at all In The Loop would win. funniest movie of 09 next to black dynamite.

wow, robin Williams going blue with the comedy. good job. ball holding is not usually a Oscar ceremony topic.

Ana Kendrick deserves to win. she took a regular character and made it fascinating. thats a difficult challenge.

i stand by my opinion that anyone who was in soul plane should not be allowed to win an Oscar.

“okay guys moniqe won. cut to random shots of any black actors or people in the audience. get me blacks!!”

avatar gets art direction? did it even have any real sets? wtf?

really costume lady? you already have two you say? go fuck yourself. see if you win anymore after thiss one.

im a little late on this but i think its funny that they called Sarah Parker a clothes horse. given how she is already a regular horse.

they would respect horror more if they still made ammazing horror movies. almost every example was from 20+ years ago.

im glad they are doing a piece on sound design. no one ever notices sound. im glad its kind of getting its due.

feel sick that people can now say ‘academy award nominated film transformers: revenge of the fallen.”

i think its awesome that John Travolta wouldnt have any career without tarantino.

how can it be considered cinematography when 90% wasnt even shot, just made on a computer. thats crap.

if avatar hadnt won best special effects, everyone would have combusted instantaneously.

im glad the cove won. we might get the chance to screen it at CSULA. no promises though.

wow the hurt locker is cleaning up. i wonder whose going to win director. gee, who could it possibly be?

boo!!! a prophet should have won! it was a gritty french goodfellas! screw this Oscar crap.

almodovars ‘broken embraces’ should have been nominated for best foreign film.

for the first time ever Julian Moore looks fucktastically hot.

thank god Jeff won that. he has deserved it for every damn movie hes ever been in even iron man. he is the worlds best.

i think Jeff bridges just stayed in the dude character for the rest of his life. or maybe he just smokes truckloads of weed.

i dont care what anyone says, Helen mirren is a total GILF.

wow carey mulligan can really pull off the short hair look. my god. id like to give her some sex education if you know what i mean. oh wait, thats the whole point of ‘an education’? so its a bad metaphore? goddamn it.

two things: Penn always dresses like a poor private detective. and also wtf is he rambling about?

where does Sandra Bullock buy her clown/whore lipstick?

Bullock gave a great acceptance speech. it was beautiful. its just too bad she didnt deserve to win. thats all.

im not a huge hurt locker fan but good job for breaking down that door. mary haron should have won for American psycho but im happy for her

almost no real surprises this year. basterds should have won. she should have gotten director but basterds was better.

even tho avatar didnt win any of the big ones it still made 600 million billion dollars. its still the year of avatar.

0:20 – Their escape plan consisted of Rocket Propelled Grappling Hooks and asphalt surfing on steel doors? Subtle.

0:24 – Aw, and then they bought a vacation home on the lake. How adorable.

0:27 – I’m Bradley Cooper, and as the good-looking sex appeal of this film it’s my job to look out over the horizon with caution concern in slow motion.

0:36 – I’m glad their keeping alive the tradition of having B.A. Baracus played by a terrible actor. This huge budget they could have hired a real actor, or even a badass B-lister like Michael Jai White (star of Black Dynamite, which you should fucking see!) But no. Lets take our millions and hire Rampage Jackson.

0:42 – Why does Liam Neeson have soulless black shark eyes?

Creepy as fuck

0:45 – “Did you miss me? Cause I missed you, 70s era black windowless rape van.”

0:48 – Even on a big van, an impact like that is bound to fuck up your undercarriage. Probably break you axel too. At the very least fuck up your alignment. Stupid move. All just to break some wood fence.

0:50 – I’m Bradley Cooper, and as the good-looking sex appeal of this film it’s my job to silently fiddle with odd looking tools while smiling in slow motion.

0:56 – I’m Bradley Cooper, and as the good-looking sex appeal of this film it’s my job to stand around in the middle of a dead sage patch with my shirt off, looking around suspiciously in slow motion.

“Maybe if we make Cooper take his shirt off women will want to watch this A-Team shit too!”

0:59 – “And if you can find them?” The fuck is that supposed to mean? That sounds less than reliable. It sounds like “and if they feel like it.”

1:02 – Wow. Holy shit. I suddenly miss Mr. T.

1:06 – Oh, get it? Bad Attitude? BA Baracus? Fuck this movie. Fuck this whole franchise. It was shit when it was first on TV and its worse now. Worse but with more money.

1:12 – That’s a shit catchphrase. That’s his goddamn catchphrase. How often could that legitimately come up that it could be your catchphrase?

1:15 – Awkward group laughter so you know the movie isn’t too serious. In case you were worried about that.

1:25 – Did that unmanned predator drone just fire a missile?

1:32 – A) Why was that tank inside a plane. B) I don’t give a shit how many circus-colored parachutes you have, they aren’t holding up a 50 ton tank.

1:35 – No. Just no. Fuck you. That’s just… just fuckin’… no. NO!

No. Fuck you. Fuck all of you.

1:41 – There is no plan B? That just seems like poor strategizing.

Accountants Gone Wild

Pig Sticker

Billy Bob Joe’s Hick Porn

Bus Drivers Who Fuck IV

Ron Jeremy Blows Himself for 3 Hours

Believe it or not, this man can actually do it. Don’t think about it too much.

Billy Bob Joe’s Girls With No Teeth

Texas Chainsaw Masturbator

Billy Graham’s Secret Gay Sex Video

Carrot Top Laughing as he Counts his Cash and Fucks Some Dude vol. 7

Much worse than Ron Jeremy

Sexy Road Kill

Hometown Buffet Customers Gone Wild

Everyone in Chattanooga Has a Giant, Flabby Orgy

That’s One Damn Sexy Wig.

Billy Bob Joe’s Emporium of Exotic Eroticism

6 Guys Standing in Line Doing the “Helicopter”

Sexy Meth Addict Divas

Billy Bob Joe’s Documentary of Billy Graham getting fucked by Carrot Top as Ron Jeremy watches. (It was a hit at Cannes, a 2004 Nominee for the Palm D’Ore)